Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
