he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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