He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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