sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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