Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
