She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
