just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
