i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
