I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Randomize
