the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
