So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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