Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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