I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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