Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
