i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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