You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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