I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
