So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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