I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize