broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
