So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
