he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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