Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize