And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Did I show you my penis last night?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
