he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
