Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.

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(413): I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing. http://tfl.nu/g19l

Replies (21) Good night (1465) Bad night (3834)
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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.

(1-724): View more from Pennsylvania

You need to find a taint.

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(724): I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between. (1-724): You need to find a taint. http://tfl.nu/752x

Replies (24) Good night (2580) Bad night (667)
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(714): View more from California

drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.

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(714): drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well. http://tfl.nu/2mtg

Replies (26) Good night (8111) Bad night (1360)
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(781): View more from Massachusetts

You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar

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(781): You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar http://tfl.nu/4b1n

Replies (6) Good night (2193) Bad night (944)
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(302): View more from Delaware

Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now

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(302): Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now http://tfl.nu/i71d

Replies (15) Good night (752) Bad night (4450)
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(310): View more from California

When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.

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(310): When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing. http://tfl.nu/i23j

Replies (16) Good night (2981) Bad night (946)
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(419): View more from Ohio

My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong

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(419): My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong http://tfl.nu/lmgu

Replies (9) Good night (1795) Bad night (651)
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(207): View more from Maine

Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.

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(207): Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer. http://tfl.nu/w95z

Replies (3) Good night (2729) Bad night (1235)
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(512): View more from Texas

I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."

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(512): I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy." http://tfl.nu/udmr

Replies (15) Good night (1529) Bad night (512)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad

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(203): But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad http://tfl.nu/s23a

Replies (5) Good night (1067) Bad night (302)
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(936): View more from Texas

Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.

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(936): Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life. http://tfl.nu/qbmn

Replies (6) Good night (595) Bad night (488)
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(336): View more from North Carolina

He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.

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(336): He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear. http://tfl.nu/c1b0

Replies (4) Good night (494) Bad night (418)
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(785): View more from Kansas

I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.

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(785): I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here. http://tfl.nu/kjaj

Replies (2) Good night (498) Bad night (406)
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(607): View more from New York

guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear

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(607): guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear http://tfl.nu/rhya

Replies (2) Good night (410) Bad night (275)
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(408): View more from California

What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point

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(408): What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point http://tfl.nu/9b7m

Replies (1) Good night (461) Bad night (178)

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