I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....