so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
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Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
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Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!