ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
