Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
