I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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