If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Randomize
