Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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