My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
