Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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