he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Randomize
