i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
