cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
