i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
