I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
he thought i was a dude.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize