Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize