So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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