I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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