I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
