In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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