i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
