At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
