I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
