If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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