can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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