Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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