I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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