Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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