i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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