im so drunk with asians
where?
always
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
