dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Randomize
