I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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