Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
