I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Randomize
