Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
