well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
