He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
