Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
third nipple confirmed
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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