if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
This girl is more easily done than said...
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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