the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I AM VODKA MAN
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
