Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
