I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
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Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
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My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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