my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
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She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
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IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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