How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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