Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
