I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I love you.
Bad choice
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
