So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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