My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
