Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
