halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
