Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
