He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
